Random Post #2

It's kinda hurt when people talking about you while you're sleeping and they didn't realise you heard it. I have experienced it many times. People don't understand me. They don't know how tired I felt as I have low metabolism. They were acting very2 nice in front of me. huh.

p/s: lately I frequently blog about my disappoinment. If you are sick of it, just leave me alone as I am not gonna impress anyone here.

Random Post

My life as a student is getting tougher and harder. However I kept reminding myself to enjoy the hurdles and obstacles as it will be the best moment in my life ^_____^

p/s: lately, I am addicted to watch Running Man. Maybe it can release my stress.

Everybody Is Changing

It is a title from Keane's song. Yes, everybody is changing by time. What I want to stress here is that lately I am acting differently / pretending because of people around me and I hate it so much. It is like I am not being myself. Telling people I'm okay with this and that but in fact I'm not. I will then do what I absolutely want to, behind them. It is not like I am faking it, it feels more like I'm pushing myself through it. I am afraid if I hurt them. In the end, I am the one suffering. Is it the only option I have? *sobss

I REALLY HAVE TO READ A LOT

After blogwalking to several blog like Aidid Muaddib and Kahuna, it emphasize my lacking at general knowledge. Yes, I already realised it that is why I said it EMPHASIZED.

Last two week I was also awaken by this reading issue when I can hardly answer the Pesticide Science test where I ended up camparing two similar nozzle. I bet those farmers know better than me T____T In my opinion, reading should come together with passion. (my mind is translating the Malay thoughts into English and it is really depressing ;( Last Thursday, my classmates and I attendted a MAPPS Seminar where the genius people presenting papers on Good Agricultural Practices. I was amazed by the way they presented the papers. It seems like they know everything. They can easily answer all question asked by participants.

Thus, I am now nurturing the reading habit by doing a lot of references for things I dont understand. As my supervisor said "google and google!" I have been wasting my time by surfing entertainment stuff. But dont simply believe all the information. Do some research, ask the experts. I hope I wont be as "hangat-hangat tahi ayam". Lets read, people!

p/s: I find it is very hard to express my thoughts in this entry.

p/s/s: Syadan must be laughing if he reads this post.

lately he likes to tease me, effect of my bad presentation.

no heart feeling ;)

p/s/ss: please correct my english if it is wrong :)

I think I start to fall in love with weed science ^________^ but it is quite hard on the taxonomy as most of the grasses look similar. fighting!

p/s: enjoy watching running man with room mates.

FYP (3)

I just finished filling my pots with soil for my final year project last morning. Total up 143 pots. yes, it was tiring but I am not stress because I was guided by Mr. lab assistant.

During my freshman years, I have heard the rumors, risk, the bad story of doing final year project. The cruel supervisor, the damaged plot, the hardship of report writing so on and so forth. Those stories made me afraid to be a final year student. But recently, my perception has changed. As my fb status; thank god i am blessed with kind people around me like prof dzol, kak wani, seniors and friends :)

My supervisor has been very-very-very kind to me. Since he is a professor with many Phd student to be supervised, I thought he wont have time to guide me and I was totally wrong. He still try to make time to to check and correct my proposal and presentation slides. He corrected the slides by himself. I mean, he typed and backspaced my slides with his bare hands. I thought he was gonna tell while I corrected them. He also understand that I cant master everything after seeing me couldn't answer any of the question appointed to me during the presentation;( Seriously, I was touched. I was feeling guilty as I was disappointing him.

K.wani is very kind to me as she thought me how to construct the phase diagram. She even waited an hour for me to come back to lab after lunch hour. Sorry, kak :( Last but not LEAST, she's willing to key in the data for the phase diagram for me since I cant make it before my presentation day. Auwwww, that was very sweet of you, kak. Same goes to other Master and Phd student like K.Ayu, K.Siti and K.Farhana. They are very helpful. While the lab assistant have guided me with the practical/field work. They didn't just left me terkontang kanting. Did I just sound like giving an appreciation speech after wining an award??? haha.

See, doing a final year project for undergraduate student is not a nightmare. It only depends on you how to control the situation, solve the problems and make some time for it.

boring face expression in the lab

A Friend Like You

All these while, I am being independent in my own way. I hate it when I have to wait for people and of course for them to wait for me. I feel burdened. But, sure it doesnt apply for all situation. I am not that cruel to leave people for no reason and sometime I also need accompany.

Ok, according to my topic, recently I have met a lot of people (spesifically; my new friends) who cant go on their own way. Em. Let me give examples; they need someone to accompany the to meet the lecturer, to pick up their stuff at just 2 metres away and also to always sit beside you during lecture. As for me, those are all simple thing that you cant do without harming yourself. I believe that it was my Abah who tought us (my sibling and I) to DIY our own task since our childhood. Let say if he drove us to the post office, then we have to figure out all by ourselves which counter to go, what to say, how much to pay while he just wait outside. Can you imagine how afraid/nervous I was. (by the way, why do I have to be afraid?)

These few friend I just met is kinda 'fragile'. They need people (which in my case, it's ME) to accompany them wherever they go. And I felt a little annoyed. I dont feel at ease to do it. You know to just accompany them and do everything with them. That is so gay, okay. Let me give a few examples; a friend even asked me to follow her to get her water bottle on the other table next to us. That was so ridiculous I'm telling you. Another friend of mine already saw the lecturer she wanted to meet, but with all her courage she called me from another building to accompany her to meet the lecturer. WTF? and there was also a friend who always want me to sit beside her in lecture hall. I was OK at first but after all, I felt uneasy. I felt like I have been controlled because these people will first persuaded you and after a few times when you refused, they kinda threaten me in a "mild" way as I said before, they are kinda "fragile".

The only way I discovered to solve this uncomfortable situation is just by confronting and tell them how I feel. I did it last time but there will be an awkward moment where she want to ask me to do a favor but she knew I wont do it. And I guess she is furious and hates me all her life. emm..... I am in dilemma.