Saturday, November 26, 2011

FYP (3)

I just finished filling my pots with soil for my final year project last morning. Total up 143 pots. yes, it was tiring but I am not stress because I was guided by Mr. lab assistant.

During my freshman years, I have heard the rumors, risk, the bad story of doing final year project. The cruel supervisor, the damaged plot, the hardship of report writing so on and so forth. Those stories made me afraid to be a final year student. But recently, my perception has changed. As my fb status; thank god i am blessed with kind people around me like prof dzol, kak wani, seniors and friends :)

My supervisor has been very-very-very kind to me. Since he is a professor with many Phd student to be supervised, I thought he wont have time to guide me and I was totally wrong. He still try to make time to to check and correct my proposal and presentation slides. He corrected the slides by himself. I mean, he typed and backspaced my slides with his bare hands. I thought he was gonna tell while I corrected them. He also understand that I cant master everything after seeing me couldn't answer any of the question appointed to me during the presentation;( Seriously, I was touched. I was feeling guilty as I was disappointing him.

K.wani is very kind to me as she thought me how to construct the phase diagram. She even waited an hour for me to come back to lab after lunch hour. Sorry, kak :( Last but not LEAST, she's willing to key in the data for the phase diagram for me since I cant make it before my presentation day. Auwwww, that was very sweet of you, kak. Same goes to other Master and Phd student like K.Ayu, K.Siti and K.Farhana. They are very helpful. While the lab assistant have guided me with the practical/field work. They didn't just left me terkontang kanting. Did I just sound like giving an appreciation speech after wining an award??? haha.

See, doing a final year project for undergraduate student is not a nightmare. It only depends on you how to control the situation, solve the problems and make some time for it.

boring face expression in the lab

A Friend Like You

All these while, I am being independent in my own way. I hate it when I have to wait for people and of course for them to wait for me. I feel burdened. But, sure it doesnt apply for all situation. I am not that cruel to leave people for no reason and sometime I also need accompany.

Ok, according to my topic, recently I have met a lot of people (spesifically; my new friends) who cant go on their own way. Em. Let me give examples; they need someone to accompany the to meet the lecturer, to pick up their stuff at just 2 metres away and also to always sit beside you during lecture. As for me, those are all simple thing that you cant do without harming yourself. I believe that it was my Abah who tought us (my sibling and I) to DIY our own task since our childhood. Let say if he drove us to the post office, then we have to figure out all by ourselves which counter to go, what to say, how much to pay while he just wait outside. Can you imagine how afraid/nervous I was. (by the way, why do I have to be afraid?)

These few friend I just met is kinda 'fragile'. They need people (which in my case, it's ME) to accompany them wherever they go. And I felt a little annoyed. I dont feel at ease to do it. You know to just accompany them and do everything with them. That is so gay, okay. Let me give a few examples; a friend even asked me to follow her to get her water bottle on the other table next to us. That was so ridiculous I'm telling you. Another friend of mine already saw the lecturer she wanted to meet, but with all her courage she called me from another building to accompany her to meet the lecturer. WTF? and there was also a friend who always want me to sit beside her in lecture hall. I was OK at first but after all, I felt uneasy. I felt like I have been controlled because these people will first persuaded you and after a few times when you refused, they kinda threaten me in a "mild" way as I said before, they are kinda "fragile".

The only way I discovered to solve this uncomfortable situation is just by confronting and tell them how I feel. I did it last time but there will be an awkward moment where she want to ask me to do a favor but she knew I wont do it. And I guess she is furious and hates me all her life. emm..... I am in dilemma.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

day by day, i am being MEAN to u.
no sorry.
yes, i am pity on you but i have to be strong.
day by day, i hated u more.
no sorry.
you made me fell annoyed.
as i always hate annoying people.
u like to complain and moan.
i feel irritated.
u always make your pity face to get attention.
i am sick of you.
u pretended not to know anything, but u knew.
i want tu punch u.

Friday, November 11, 2011

FYP (2)

Seriously, pening pulak kira2 formulation dalam lab and this is just the beginning. Argghhhhhh.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

FYP (1)

Seriously, feeling like a genius calculating data in order to construct phase diagram of my formulation.

Friday, November 4, 2011


I just called several friends just now. Well, from my observation, there are two kind of them

1) Wei, knape ko dah lama tak datang jumpa aku??? bla2........

2) Dayah, sori, aku dah lama tak pergi jumpa kau. bla2..........

I know which one I should appreciate more. Thank you, friends ^_______^

Thursday, November 3, 2011

I guess I'm addictedd updating about my FYP

Lets just consider this is my FYP report,hehe. This morning I met Kak Wani. She tought me how to prepare the formulation and do the phase diagram. But she cant show me the practical as the staff didn't know where the glyphosate was. Oh, by the way, my final year project will be about the effects of different formulation of herbicides. The active ingredient is glyphosate while the surfactants (chemicals that will differ the formulation) are methyl ester, organo silicon and alkylpoliglucoside. Which means I will mix those surfactants with glyphosate and see the effect on weeds. Yeah, saying @ reading sure is easier than doing.

To be more specific, first I have to find the right formulation, do all the different measurement of chemicals to get it, get the well mixed formulation. If they are not, they will form 2 or 3 layers as they couldn't mix. The right mixture of formulation can also obtained from a software *thanks to the technology :) These stuff will be done in the lab. Meanwhile, I have to plant the weeds that will be tested with my genius formulation, haha genius? Feeling like a chemistry wizard or in other words, a scientist ;) Ok, lets get back to the topic. I choose to plant paspalum and diodia. hah, nama nak gah saje, padahal rumput rumpai je, hehe. lepas tu kena gelak dengan kawan sebab tanam rumpai grrrrr. Itsokay, no heart feelings.

So, now the testing part. When the weeds are mature enough, I'll spray them and wait for the effects. Effects that will be taken into the results are the properties of the formulation which are the particle size, surface tension and efficacy. Then I will compare my own formulation with existing products in the market.

With all the explanation, I really hope everything will go smoothly. Wish me all the best. Now, I should start writing proposal and abstract. Bubbye ^_______^


kan best kalau kita boleh fokus dekat satu perkara, endahkan perkara lain. supaya perkara yang kita fokus tu takda flaws. tapi tak boleh kan? sebab inilah hidup. takda cabaran kalau takda halangan. hidup boleh jadi bosan/kosong. sebab tu saya suka sibukkan diri dengan perkara lain. saya fikir dengan itu, saya boleh improve diri. boleh mencari diri. memahami diri. and yes, i've found the pieces of me. yet, not all.

saya manusia biasa. saya tak boleh ingat semua benda. selalu terlupa. selalu terleka. saya tak boleh jadi perfect. tapi saya cuba. saya tak pandai fokus. selalu aja terhanyut. tapi saya cuba. saya tak pandai. saya cuba belajar. tak salah kan mencuba? tapi sampai bila? saya kena berubah. tak boleh asyik cuba je. kena act fast juga. macam panadol actifast mungkin. hmmmmm.......

hari ini, saya rasa macam loser. saya bangun lambat. saya terlupa pergi lab (luar jadual). saya tidur lama-lama. saya online lama-lama. harini takda output. macamana nak fokus? okay, saya CUBA. *loser me

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

thinking of him

Still, after trying for half an hour, I cant even sleep. My heart keep beating fast. Yes, I am thinking of him. Of his perception on me, of my performance, of my attitude. All these while I was too shy to meet him and tell him of how I feel. Loser me. And now I am so nervous. I hope it is not too late to change. I want to prove to him that I can do it. But I am afraid at the same time. I guess, I am heading toward depression.

He, who I am thinking is my project supervisor, Prof Dzol. from what I heard, he is a great lecturer who has contribute a lot in this agriculture sector, toxicology industry specifically. So, why should I keep worrying getting an awesome supervisor? I felt so tense to reach his expectation. Or maybe I should say, my own expectation. I don't want to look dumb in front of him at the same time I cant do it. I don't wanna look like a total loser. What the hell should I do? I am fucking worried at the same time, cant think anymore. woooowooo......sounds like very frustrating. True, that is how I feel right now.

Ok, Ok, thats life. To cheer things up, lets move to good news. Today, I just confirm my tittle (while some of my friends has finished writing proposal). And due to some problems, my department (Plant protection) will held the presentation seminar next two week. It is a total relieve for me. Even we have to submit the extract on next Tuesday, I cant just sit and relax because Prof will be away next week for seminar in Indonesia. So, after expressing my insecurities and doubt here, hopefully I am now ready to face tomorow!!! Grrrrrrr.

Token of Appreciation
A zillion thank you to my beloved Mother for the new and awesome laptop. To Anisah, thanks for the advises babe. It is simple but I really appreciate it. To Gedil, thank you for lending your laptop. To Amer, you have grown up, man. I am proud of you. To Mistake, are you hiding from me?


chemicals are we!rd

Since I am taking pesticide science and weed science subjects, plus doing final year project about herbicides, I have to deal with all the weird and hard-to-pronounce chemicals such as carfentrazone, pentachloronitrobenzene (PCNB), flutolanil, pencycuron, tolclofos methyl, propiconazole, flusilazol and much more. It reminds me of how do the pharmacy student (which is my actual ambition) learn about them. But anyways, I fall in love with chemistry since form 4, and will always love it no matter what ^________^